"Type-A personality traits--the theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence."
I've always known I'm classified as Type A. I was also always the color red whenever we took color-personality tests in psychology classes. I know this; I accepted it long ago.
But lately, it's been really rearing its ugly head.
I had a minor mental breakdown (understatement) about two weeks ago at home. The kind where I started thinking about all the things I'm specifically concerned/stressed about and the list just went on and on and on.....Tears were out of control. Sobbing. I had the ugly cry--you know, the one where you can't breathe or get the words out. "I (gasp)...I (gasp).....I (gasp gasp gasp)...."
It was shocking and scary to actually acknowledge just how truly stressed out I was about lots of things. There was a variety of things causing me stress, but the majority of the stressors were work related--in a nutshell, I feel like I completely over-work myself at a pretty thankless job. I get frustrated when I don't see the fruits of my labor. And I think that I was too scared to admit that I'd been having a hard time dealing with all the extremely high expectations set for me by both the school district and myself.
I am my own worst critic. I am entirely too hard on myself.
So, I'm trying really hard to turn over a new leaf. I know I can't shed my Type A shell and transform into Type B overnight, or ever. But I am consciously trying to be easier on myself, breathe, and relax. It's a little hard for me; I'm not very good at that. I have to consciously fend off the feeling of always needing to be productive and adding more things to the mental to-do list.
Yesterday, instead of holing myself up in the library to grade papers, enter grades, and plan the school week, I went running in the park, took a nap, watched some TV, curled my hair, went to a game night, and played with my friends and laughed all night long.
Accomplished zero schoolwork.
It was incredible.
THAT is how I should be spending my Saturdays.
In the last week or two since I've started making better decisions for myself, I can already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.
It's an interesting thing, learning to be easier on oneself.
Lightening up.
Learning to chill out.
Do only one task at a time.
I'm over being soType A, I want to see what it's like on the other side for a change.
4 comments:
Teaching is SUCH a stressful job!!! Towards the end of the school year last year I also had a breakdown (and I am NOT a Type A person. That is what teaching does to you) I finally told myself that from Friday at 4:30 p.m. until Monday at 8 a.m. I am not allowed to do any school work. I learned just to roll with it and be flexible. "My time" is important. Everybody needs to have that time to stay sane. I don't have answers....and I don't know what I'm rambling about...but just know that I'm with you girl!!! Good luck and I bet you are an AMAZING teacher. Those students are lucky to have you!
Thanks Sonnie! Sometimes it really helps just to have your feelings validated, so it's always nice to hear from other teachers. I sure like your idea of doing nothing school related on the weekends. I'll try it on for size this weekend :)
Sometimes I feel like a crappy teacher because I take "me time." How ridiculous is that? Name another job that makes you feel guilty for not working in the afternoons or weekends! I have to do it for my own sanity...even if it means getting miles behind on my work at school. Some things can go..and I try to get the really important things done. You have to be able to enjoy life! I've talked to a lot of teachers who feel exactly the same way you do (including myself). We get so overloaded with things to do and it's hard to have a life away from school! Let's do lunch again and take some "us" time.
Oy! I am sorry Laura! Hearing you girls talk with Alyssa's Mom about all the expectations sounded crappy! But really lady, you're doing the right thing. You need to take your weekends and chill out more! You're an awesome teacher, you're getting it taken care of- RELAX! Stress blows.
Post a Comment